I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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