Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
