Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
