You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
