Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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