dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
