last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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