He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
