Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
