It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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