glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
