I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
