The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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