their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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