The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i already hear my dad disowning me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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