I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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