I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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