her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
