hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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