i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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