Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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