Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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