As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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