If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
