i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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