why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
