textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
