I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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