Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
