my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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