i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if only i could text you this smell
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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