He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
