I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
