I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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