Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
