We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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