I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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