I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
