I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
