Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
