i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
