i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
