What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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