My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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