Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
