We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We had sex on a dog bed..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
