So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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