I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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