Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dick very happy bro
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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