Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
