She said her name was "party"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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