and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
