omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
